‘Getting off the me plan’

The quote above is from Sakyong Mipham http://www.sakyong.com/ whom I have mentioned before. I discovered his books only a few months ago and I still don’t know much about him but it’s clear that he has an exceptionally deep understanding of both the Oriental and Western cultures. He is a Renaissance Man that quality I always admired in whatever shape this arrived into my life. Being able to consider these two huge slices of the world certainly helps when one tries to forward more hundred years old messages. Let me pick one thing now that his books talk about and always infuriated me but I never fully understood why.

The message couldn’t be more relevant and vital. That is, it’s time to forget about yourself and start caring about others. That is what will make you feel better and not pampering your ego. I don’t think I can count how many times I have heard ‘I need a me time’, ‘I need to focus on myself now’, ‘I need some time alone to think’ and the like. No, not all came from men as an excuse trying to get rid of me.

How do you do this? Seriously, please someone tell me how it works. Do you sit down at home facing a mirror then you look deep into your own eyes and start discussing your issues? I don’t get it. What if, for a change, we would forget about our own real or generated issues and we would start thinking about others?

I have a twin sister that means the notion of ‘me’ has a very different meaning to me than to the majority of people, and many around us struggle to understand this. I guess what we have is something that the Sakyong talks about. That is putting others forward instead of yourself. In 24/7. Without thinking and without this being an issue or nuisance. I can assure you, it is worth it. Because I have two more siblings I know ours is different to the usual sisterly relationship. The good news is that once you can do it with one person you can do it with anyone.

Let me give an example to explain what really bothers me. My housemates decided to cook dinner one night but they didn’t have one of the main ingredients at home. I offered mine. They used it. Then they had the dinner. Without asking if I would like to taste it at all. This is something that I can’t imagine doing to anyone. They did it not because they particularly dislike me but simply because their focus is on themselves and their momentary needs.

I don’t know how it feels to ignore others (for reasons see above), so I don’t even know what’s the benefit of behaving like this but I know that it feels good to help and being considerate towards others’ feelings. Start doing it and you will see things pouring into your life. By help I don’t mean big things, a nice gesture towards a stranger without expecting anything back or just doing things the way that won’t hurt anyone, even if it means some extra effort from you, will be a good start. And please, stop repeating how busy you are as an excuse. When we do this, we only prove our belief in our own utter importance above others.


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